You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
