it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
