your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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