Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
