i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
