On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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