I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
