then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
