Pants 0. Shit 1.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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