Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
