i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We were destined to go to rehab together
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
