I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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