Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
