Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
