did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
