So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
