and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
