It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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