"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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