i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
