He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
