Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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