I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would ride that face into the sunset
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
