she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
