I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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