her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
