Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
