dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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