You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
