i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
