First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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