he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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