The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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