my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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