I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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