what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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