They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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