im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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