after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
