Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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