maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
