I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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