i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
