I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
