Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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