Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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