Its about making memories worth repressing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I deserve this hangover.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
