He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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