Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
