i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
