i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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