I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
