can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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