my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
