i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
