just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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