I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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