Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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