I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
