just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize