I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
