I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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