Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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