Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
