Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize